Someone Else's Story - a first version

We hear so many stories about people's lives all the time.  These stories sometimes become inspirations, sometimes lessons.  Sometimes we can identify with the storyteller, sometimes we don't.  And who knows, someone else's story, might also be ours.

Here is someone else's story, which has touched my heart and pushed a button somewhere inside.

"I live an idyllic life, is what they say.  I have an ideal family - with a good husband and loving children.

I suspect my children see me as an ideal mom, and my husband looks at me as the perfect wife.

I should be thankful and I am.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I met a man who has made my heart beat so fast.  I felt like a teenager going the prom.  Symptoms of first love?  Maybe.

He filled my thoughts and my senses - but he didn't love me - not as much as I did him.  So I have chosen to nip the bud, as they say.  It was the right thing to do.

Now I know the feeling of a heart being broken.  He didn't even mind when I left him.  I was just a passing whim, never to be taken seriously, easily forgotten.

It was like falling from a cliff down to solid ground. I managed to bring myself to crawl at first, then eventually to stand up.

With my tattered soul and beaten heart, I collected myself.

I still see his face in my mind's eye.  I miss him everyday of my life.  And with every breathe I remind myself that he is not worth my time and energy, and that he will never miss me anyway.

And so here I am again, down the narrow and straight path once more.  With all of my strength this time, I focus on my idyllic life,  vowing never to be astray again - to lead this idyllic life with my idyllic family.

Has life taught me a lesson?  YES.  Will I forget?   I do not think so.  Will I heal?  I surely hope so. Life has given me a second chance... "

With no judgment whatsoever, it is good to have a one great love in one's life.  The relationship might not last forever, but life is all about experiencing pain and joy.  Or else, it wouldn't be a full life.

A song comes to mind as I write today. It was written by Charlie Midnight, Jay Landers, Bernie Hermes and sung by Barbra Streisand & Andrea Bocelli,

I end this story as someone else's story:

At least one moment everyday

I hear the echo of your voice

And though it's only in my mind

It stays with me, I have no choice

I reached for you as if you're here

Your tender touch, your warm embrace

And though it's been so many years

I still can see your face.

Oh, Please Calm Down!

Calm is one of the adjectives people say to describe me -  that the more stressful the situation was, the calmer I became. But what is calmness? 

One of my favourite authors, and a connection in my LinkedIn profile is Dr. Travis Bradberry.  I was inspired to write my own version of calmness through his post "How Successful People Stay Calm" in LinkedIn.

He says, “Calmness is the ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure.”***

Categorically, calmness is the exact opposite of a freak out.  Insecurity, fear & panic can cause freak outs.  Knowing one’s self-worth however, produces peace, security and calmness.

Being calm at work, promotes productivity and efficiency.  It eliminates to some degree, the negative energy that goes around the atmosphere.  It can be an ingredient to a good working environment.

When I was a Staff Medic in Senior High, I was branded as the Medic who had the most transparent facial expression.  I strongly disliked that image at all and I worked to achieve this state of calmness.

Through the years, I achieved some level of composure and life events honed me to be calm in trying moments.  I learned that while a person can fake it and act calmly, it is best to be genuinely calm inside. This is authentic and manifests truly in the outside.

At work, responding calmly in circumstances where emotions are heightened will surely steer you away from trouble.  We all tend to react by instinct and this does not end well in the workplace.    

I have learned that “biting one’s tongue”, so to speak, is better as this helps prevent a counter reaction from the other person.  Counting one to ten before opening my mouth helps me choose the right words to say.  

Reacting bluntly and impulsively puts a person in bad light, even if one has a good point.  Assertion is not the issue here.  Yes, we need to assert ourselves.  But how do we do it gracefully?

Where does this calmness come from?  It comes from one’s upbringing, personality and perspective.  In most times, the most raised voice is not the winner of the argument. 

How do we achieve this calmness?   You may check out Dr. Bradberry's tips in his article "How Successful People Stay Calm" in LinkedIn.

As an addition, here are my ten cents on the matter:  It is more of what’s inside us.  How do we perceive things?  Are we being grateful of what we have in our hands?  Or are we being fearful or worrisome?  Do we think negatively all the time?  Do we have enough rest?  Are we aware of our wellness? Do we have time to walk away and give ourselves a break?

Oh, My Life in the Office - Part 1

Oh, life at work can be either interesting, inspiring or challenging.

I remember my former manager in my former job saying: 

“Whether one likes it or not, Chona, the work atmosphere can affect one’s daily life greatly.  One works around 35-40 hours a week.  Although we tell ourselves that family and life oustide work is most important; our life in our workplace is vital, as we spend most of our waking hours at work!  Thereby concluding that creating a healthy working relationship with everyone at work and creating a very good work atmosphere is essential.  Or else, we’ll get so stressed that we carry that work burden to our dear loved ones at home.”

I totally agree with Ms. Lisa Chan!

And Ms. Chan continued: “That is why as a manager, I am very keen on each of my staff’s work relationship with each other – more keen than their eloquence, their degrees, qualifications, IQ level.  I do not tolerate rudeness and impoliteness.”

I have not paid attention to my chats with Ms. Chan before as I thought she was just giving her pep talks.  Hey, I have always been branded as ‘the most pleasant person to work with’, anyways!

Not until now.

I am not going into details, but there has been challenges in my workplace lately.  Needless to say, I will not even say that I am right and the other is wrong – as I know that it takes two to tango.

Neither am I going into that overused phrase: “You’ll need to understand her/him more as he/she is really very old.”  Or, “You’ll have to be the bigger person as he/she is very young and immature.”

Hence, my realisation to take up Lesson 101 on emotional intelligence and do my fair share in creating a very good working atmosphere in the workplace.  

I truly believe with all my heart that EQ knows no age.  Experience does play a role, but hey, so does inexperience and upbringing!  I have met young people with superb characters and soft skills!  So I really cannot blame it with generation gaps. 

So here goes introspection number 1 – How do I respond to the different personalities in the office?

I can see much diversity in my workplace:  in race, language and generation.  I have not seen any issue in the first two diversities.  Only with the third.

We have a handful of baby boomers, more of generation X and an increasing number of millennials.

I belong to Generation X and have had extensive experience in working with them.  Working with baby boomers is like working with my parents, which can be challenging but certainly doable.

Now with the millennials is an entirely new thing. Or should I say, with a millennial.  Because as I mentioned before, I have seen other millennial co-workers, and they seem to be just fine.

Someone sent me a video about the millennials and how difficult they are to be managed.  But here’s the thing, I believe that all generations need to learn how to work with each other, regardless of the difference in style.  All it needs is mutual respect, the ability to work as a team and the willingness to learn from each other. 

Bottomline:  be respectful and be courteous with each other.  Give credit to those where credit is due -  do not own all the glory for yourself and while you let the other do the hard work for you.

That being said, and one may read between the lines(!), I have drawn wisdom and strength from the Scriptures and from teachers of our present time. 

The Bible says in Colossians 3:12:  “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

Wayne Dyer said:  “When you have a choice whether to be right or to be kind, choose to be kind.”

Lao Tzu said:  “Because he doesn’t display himself, people can see his light.  Because he has nothing to prove, people can trust his words.   Because he has no goal in mind, everything he does succeeds.”

This does not mean that I 'd be less productive.  I will do everything for the glory of my Creator, the One whom I'd be answering to, anyways, when my end comes.

I will be alright and I will be safe.