Someone Else's Story - a first version

We hear so many stories about people's lives all the time.  These stories sometimes become inspirations, sometimes lessons.  Sometimes we can identify with the storyteller, sometimes we don't.  And who knows, someone else's story, might also be ours.

Here is someone else's story, which has touched my heart and pushed a button somewhere inside.

"I live an idyllic life, is what they say.  I have an ideal family - with a good husband and loving children.

I suspect my children see me as an ideal mom, and my husband looks at me as the perfect wife.

I should be thankful and I am.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I met a man who has made my heart beat so fast.  I felt like a teenager going the prom.  Symptoms of first love?  Maybe.

He filled my thoughts and my senses - but he didn't love me - not as much as I did him.  So I have chosen to nip the bud, as they say.  It was the right thing to do.

Now I know the feeling of a heart being broken.  He didn't even mind when I left him.  I was just a passing whim, never to be taken seriously, easily forgotten.

It was like falling from a cliff down to solid ground. I managed to bring myself to crawl at first, then eventually to stand up.

With my tattered soul and beaten heart, I collected myself.

I still see his face in my mind's eye.  I miss him everyday of my life.  And with every breathe I remind myself that he is not worth my time and energy, and that he will never miss me anyway.

And so here I am again, down the narrow and straight path once more.  With all of my strength this time, I focus on my idyllic life,  vowing never to be astray again - to lead this idyllic life with my idyllic family.

Has life taught me a lesson?  YES.  Will I forget?   I do not think so.  Will I heal?  I surely hope so. Life has given me a second chance... "

With no judgment whatsoever, it is good to have a one great love in one's life.  The relationship might not last forever, but life is all about experiencing pain and joy.  Or else, it wouldn't be a full life.

A song comes to mind as I write today. It was written by Charlie Midnight, Jay Landers, Bernie Hermes and sung by Barbra Streisand & Andrea Bocelli,

I end this story as someone else's story:

At least one moment everyday

I hear the echo of your voice

And though it's only in my mind

It stays with me, I have no choice

I reached for you as if you're here

Your tender touch, your warm embrace

And though it's been so many years

I still can see your face.

Oh, Please Calm Down!

Calm is one of the adjectives people say to describe me -  that the more stressful the situation was, the calmer I became. But what is calmness? 

One of my favourite authors, and a connection in my LinkedIn profile is Dr. Travis Bradberry.  I was inspired to write my own version of calmness through his post "How Successful People Stay Calm" in LinkedIn.

He says, “Calmness is the ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure.”***

Categorically, calmness is the exact opposite of a freak out.  Insecurity, fear & panic can cause freak outs.  Knowing one’s self-worth however, produces peace, security and calmness.

Being calm at work, promotes productivity and efficiency.  It eliminates to some degree, the negative energy that goes around the atmosphere.  It can be an ingredient to a good working environment.

When I was a Staff Medic in Senior High, I was branded as the Medic who had the most transparent facial expression.  I strongly disliked that image at all and I worked to achieve this state of calmness.

Through the years, I achieved some level of composure and life events honed me to be calm in trying moments.  I learned that while a person can fake it and act calmly, it is best to be genuinely calm inside. This is authentic and manifests truly in the outside.

At work, responding calmly in circumstances where emotions are heightened will surely steer you away from trouble.  We all tend to react by instinct and this does not end well in the workplace.    

I have learned that “biting one’s tongue”, so to speak, is better as this helps prevent a counter reaction from the other person.  Counting one to ten before opening my mouth helps me choose the right words to say.  

Reacting bluntly and impulsively puts a person in bad light, even if one has a good point.  Assertion is not the issue here.  Yes, we need to assert ourselves.  But how do we do it gracefully?

Where does this calmness come from?  It comes from one’s upbringing, personality and perspective.  In most times, the most raised voice is not the winner of the argument. 

How do we achieve this calmness?   You may check out Dr. Bradberry's tips in his article "How Successful People Stay Calm" in LinkedIn.

As an addition, here are my ten cents on the matter:  It is more of what’s inside us.  How do we perceive things?  Are we being grateful of what we have in our hands?  Or are we being fearful or worrisome?  Do we think negatively all the time?  Do we have enough rest?  Are we aware of our wellness? Do we have time to walk away and give ourselves a break?

Oh, My Life in the Office - Part 1

Oh, life at work can be either interesting, inspiring or challenging.

I remember my former manager in my former job saying: 

“Whether one likes it or not, Chona, the work atmosphere can affect one’s daily life greatly.  One works around 35-40 hours a week.  Although we tell ourselves that family and life oustide work is most important; our life in our workplace is vital, as we spend most of our waking hours at work!  Thereby concluding that creating a healthy working relationship with everyone at work and creating a very good work atmosphere is essential.  Or else, we’ll get so stressed that we carry that work burden to our dear loved ones at home.”

I totally agree with Ms. Lisa Chan!

And Ms. Chan continued: “That is why as a manager, I am very keen on each of my staff’s work relationship with each other – more keen than their eloquence, their degrees, qualifications, IQ level.  I do not tolerate rudeness and impoliteness.”

I have not paid attention to my chats with Ms. Chan before as I thought she was just giving her pep talks.  Hey, I have always been branded as ‘the most pleasant person to work with’, anyways!

Not until now.

I am not going into details, but there has been challenges in my workplace lately.  Needless to say, I will not even say that I am right and the other is wrong – as I know that it takes two to tango.

Neither am I going into that overused phrase: “You’ll need to understand her/him more as he/she is really very old.”  Or, “You’ll have to be the bigger person as he/she is very young and immature.”

Hence, my realisation to take up Lesson 101 on emotional intelligence and do my fair share in creating a very good working atmosphere in the workplace.  

I truly believe with all my heart that EQ knows no age.  Experience does play a role, but hey, so does inexperience and upbringing!  I have met young people with superb characters and soft skills!  So I really cannot blame it with generation gaps. 

So here goes introspection number 1 – How do I respond to the different personalities in the office?

I can see much diversity in my workplace:  in race, language and generation.  I have not seen any issue in the first two diversities.  Only with the third.

We have a handful of baby boomers, more of generation X and an increasing number of millennials.

I belong to Generation X and have had extensive experience in working with them.  Working with baby boomers is like working with my parents, which can be challenging but certainly doable.

Now with the millennials is an entirely new thing. Or should I say, with a millennial.  Because as I mentioned before, I have seen other millennial co-workers, and they seem to be just fine.

Someone sent me a video about the millennials and how difficult they are to be managed.  But here’s the thing, I believe that all generations need to learn how to work with each other, regardless of the difference in style.  All it needs is mutual respect, the ability to work as a team and the willingness to learn from each other. 

Bottomline:  be respectful and be courteous with each other.  Give credit to those where credit is due -  do not own all the glory for yourself and while you let the other do the hard work for you.

That being said, and one may read between the lines(!), I have drawn wisdom and strength from the Scriptures and from teachers of our present time. 

The Bible says in Colossians 3:12:  “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

Wayne Dyer said:  “When you have a choice whether to be right or to be kind, choose to be kind.”

Lao Tzu said:  “Because he doesn’t display himself, people can see his light.  Because he has nothing to prove, people can trust his words.   Because he has no goal in mind, everything he does succeeds.”

This does not mean that I 'd be less productive.  I will do everything for the glory of my Creator, the One whom I'd be answering to, anyways, when my end comes.

I will be alright and I will be safe.

Oh, Be Brave!

Lately, I’ve had some really good stuff coming my way career-wise.  I was given opportunities to pioneer new thrusts in my department.  However, as Spiderman said:  With great power, comes great responsibility.”

True.  And greater pressure, politics and intrigues too!  My, oh, my!  Something that I do not want to get involved with.  My common dialogue:  Oh, I really just want to work, do my best, reap well from it. 

Well…

With all this office turmoil, and at the risk of sounding like a whiner when speaking up, I had to dig deep inside me, trust in my inner strength that all things will work together for everybody’s good.  Not just for my own good, I dare say, but for everyone’s good.

This song, “Brave” by Sara Bareilles has given me back inspiration and a touch of my old sense of humour.

To be brave in standing up to what I believe in, even when others do not seem to agree.  To be brave in being grounded in the age-old truths that my parents taught me.  To be brave in being teachable and flexible as this is the path to greater improvement and success.  To be brave to see events on both sides – not just my own.  To be brave to draw out love from my heart and feel love for everyone, regardless.  To be brave to extend kindness even when kindness was the last thing I got.  To be brave to go on in life with graciousness. 

Each one of us has our own daily battles.  But the key here is to go on, not give up.  We might need to choose our fights wisely – extending kindness or forgiveness does not mean quitting or losing the battle.  It just means you are making a different tactic.  It means being the bigger person.

Do I know exactly what lies ahead of me, in this messy and fearsome corporate world?  No.  But I am here to go on and not give up.  And with my inner self adds: “So help me God.”  With lol right after. 

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.  The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. – Nelson Mandela

P.S.  There are so many angles to being brave, and I will be exploring it in my next write ups.  

Oh, My Baby, Baby, Baby!

If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it.  I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean, in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle. - Vincent van Gogh - 1853 - 1890.

Ever wondered why whenever you gaze at the newborn's face, an unexplainable feeling of utter peace and bliss envelops you? 

Attending a baby shower party usually gives me excitement, as if I was the expectant mother!  I can remember being excited to give birth to my babies - to see their faces, to touch their tiny hands, to hear their cries.

Ever been in a room full of adults busy doing their thing?  And then comes along a baby.  The room's atmosphere suddenly changes.  There is that strong energy that a baby emits.  Everyone becomes enthralled.

If a baby is in the room, it's almost as if there is a magnetic connection that draws my attention and I must make contact.  Being the father of eight children, I have spent countless hours simply gazing into the eyes of a brand-new arrival into our family.  In these private moments, I often send silent inquisitive messages asking them to tell me about God and what the formless spiritual world is like.  I have passed many, many hours of my life lying on the floor making direct contact with our new arrivals.  I've long fascinated by the fact that children must show up here with personality traits.  I love to ask little toddlers who are only beginning to communicate with language to tell me what they remember.  - Wayne Dyer

The newborn, still untouched by the world's fear and anxiety - has that pure positive energy straight from where the baby came from (and I'm not talking about the physical).  So undiluted by the world's negativity, that is almost as if you feel the breathe of heaven!

Oh, I Met a Guardian Angel!

Angels…  I’ve never really paid attention to the subject until now.

I believe I am a well grounded person with an age-old faith and a practical mind.  However, I think I have met one too many angels in my life – right when I needed one.

I do not mean creatures with wings and heavenly faces, but  beings just the same, who have brought good tidings to my life. Human beings from all walks of life, with different backgrounds, with different beliefs.

Today, I believe I have met one.  The amazing circumstance and coincidence that brought us to meet and share a glimpse of our lives amazed me.

To you, my dear, I say, thank you for making me recognise something in my life.  A wake up call.  A confirmation.

To people who were instruments to get me back to my feet whenever I fell face down, thank you.  You were heaven-sent.  When my parents died, there were one too many people who helped me survive.  One was my best friend who now reside in New Zealand.  Close friends, whom I now consider as family, have helped my family when my husband’s life was endangered and my family’s security was compromised.

When my family migrated to Canada, numerous people helped to get us settled.  They were heaven-sent.  I call them kindred spirits, who welcomed us in their lives despite not fully knowing who we were…  So many people who extended helping hands to my children.

When my daughter, at a very young age had a life-threatening surgery and had to lose one of her organs, Sarah and May and their families – were heaven-sent.

People like Christine, who at the perfect moment of my almost meltdown, called me and just insisted her way to my life and my family’s.

Kind people who gave me a break in my career.  I call them angels.  There is this particular person in my workplace – but I believe she wants to remain anonymous.  Well, Miss A, you were an angel.

Today, I actually met one.  Thank you, my dear, for being instrumental to my making decisive steps in one aspect of my life.  You don’t actually know it, but you were the healing oil to a wound that I have been carrying.  Hence, my first steps to healing.

I thought that wound  was already a battle scar – until it occurred to me that the surface has healed but it was still fresh inside.  So,my need for healing.

Thank you, my dear angel, for reassuring that I am not alone in this situation and that God is a God of second chances.  The imperfections that we call, are actually what makes us perfectly magnificent. 

Oh, How Do I See it?

In so many circumstances, I am always challenged to decide to see things differently.  

Perception is what it is.  Every person is wired differently.  Different folks, different strokes, is what they say.  The differences in perception can come from culture, background and upbringing.  Sometimes, I believe, it is plainly just the personality.  One’s uniqueness.

Differences in opinion boil down to differences in perception.  Through the years, I have learned to do my best to look at the bright side of things.  It is from knowing that “all things work together for good” as the Scripture says, that kept me anchored despite the storms in life.

When my Dad passed away 10 weeks after Mama died, I felt as if the weight of the whole world  crashed down on me.

I come from a very close-knit family -  with very close ties from the grandparents down to the grandchildren.  Being the eldest in the family and a wife and a mother of two, I faced all the responsibilities that came with it; aside from the turmoil that I faced with my own family which had security and protection issues.  It took me months to recover from shock and grief. But I had to go on living and see “the light ahead of the tunnel”.

Under the circumstances, I chose to trust the One who was in control of everything.  “He’s got the whole world in His hands”, and therefore “I am safe”.  Some call it The Source, The Energy, etc.  I call Him God.

With the current downturn of the economy in our province, it is heartbreaking to know people have been let go from their jobs – their means of livelihood.  In my own community, I have seen too many houses for sale because the owners are unable to pay their mortgages because they lost their jobs.

I know too many friends who had to get survival jobs to survive as they were let go from their jobs as professionals.  But here’s the thing:  Thank God for survival jobs!  Thank you for EI!  Thank you for the Food Bank!

For several weeks, I felt so frustrated and angry at work.  I felt I was unfairly treated.  I was plain unhappy.  But it dawned on me, hey, I still have a job.  And it’s a good one, actually.  With the present economy, I am in a such a very good position.

With that perspective, I realized that that work incident which made me miserable, was a call for me to step up - to prove to everybody that I’ve got more to show, more to give.  I have become a comfortable, sleeping giant.  It’s time to wake the giant up!

I had to decide to see that there is a morale to my work situation and aspects for me to improve on.  I cannot go into details, but yes, my career has made a good turn and things look promising.  I am happier.  Everything is working out for my own good.  I am not saying that things are going my way – but it is certainly going the way it should, for my own good.  I see it unfolding.

When my family migrated to Canada, we had to start from scratch – literally.  Thank goodness for people with kindred spirits who helped us along the way.  It was a major adjustment on all sides – from the climate to people and culture.  I had to start with a survival job!  But it was in that survival job that I met wonderful people and learned priceless lessons.

Is everything bright and rosy?  Nah.  Manna falling down from heaven literally?  Nah.  But is everything working out for my good and my family’s good?  Yeah!  I choose to see it that way.  So does my family.  And we move on to living a full life. 

Moving on to the journey! 

“The meaning of everything is the meaning I give it.” – Neale Donald Walsch